I'm fat, sick, sad, diabetic and it hurts to walk. Oh yeah, life sucks, too!

I feel terrible, I look terrible and I’m terribly unhealthy.

I have peaked at 352 lbs. about a week ago.  I look like someone that has just eaten the Stay Puft Marshmallow man, except that I feel even heavier.

My lower back hurts when I walk, to the point where I need to sit down after walking about 500 feet.  My ankles always hurt and I think I’m diabetic.  I’m not positive, and I’m too chicken to go to the doctor, but I have problems that indicate this.  Mostly, I just pee at night, a lot.  Beyond that, I’m just very unhealthy feeling.  There is a “suck”; a sense of a medical “squeezing” of my soul.  It can get powerful, sometimes.

I have what I call my “ring of pain”. It starts with my organs under my final right rib, and crosses my rib cage into the organs under my final left rib.  Apparently these organs don’t have any sensation of their own. It’s got to be the areas surrounding the organs being constantly pressured by my gut and my ribcage as I sit at my desk and work all day. 

Either that or it’s something far more dubious, like cancer. 

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh …

 … ignorance is bliss!

I could go on and on with gripes, complaints, pains, ticks, tocs and issues.  I have little doubt that I will as this story progresses, but I suppose I should talk a little about what I’m doing.

I’m writing.

I’m documenting.

I’m journaling.

I’m not sure why, exactly.  I have grand visions of this turning into a cook book, filled with inspiration, recipes and a true to life story about how a man came back from the depths of hell. How he was able to conquer his vices, organize his thoughts and create a fulfilling life for himself.  That man, I hope, will be me.

As I said, I’m very unhealthy and overweight.  I should go to the doctor, but am afraid of what I’ll learn.  I tell myself that if I can just get my eating and exercise under control that I’ll visit a physician when I “feel better”.  I’m not sure what this means precisely, but it’s fair to say that I haven’t “felt better” in a very long time.

I’m without a career, friends, health, happiness, a girl and a healthy outlook. I don’t have anything much left to lose, except my life.  It’s really about the only thing I have left to lose!

I need to take stock of that.  I need to work towards friends, happiness, health, family relationships, career and improve my healthy outlook.

My hope is that this journal will document this process.  That it will take some of my random blatherings and slowly, but surely, gel into a cohesive and uplifting story of a man who got it right, after seemingly intentionally doing everything wrong from the moment he turned 18.

To Begin …

I have been trying like mad to lose weight.  I’ve been doing a horrible job and have been teetering between 338 lbs. and 352 lbs.  I’m about 5’ 9”. So, this isn’t good.  I have no muscle.  I’m a disgusting blubbery whale.  Yuck.

I’ve been trying to walk.  I try and walk about a mile, every other day.  I walk with my puppies to the beach and back.  It’s a grueling hour, and I hate it.  It’s hard, my back hurts, I have to sit all the time, but I can never find anywhere to sit; just the occasional rock.  I’m starting to learn the good spots.

It’s embarrassing to be out in public, walking my dogs, all fat and sweaty, in clothes that don’t fit, while I rock out to outdated music on my iPhone.  I’m the guy I want to laugh at on the street, but don't because I'm mature enough to recognize that the guy is trying to make it better.  He's trying to make improvements!

Then … I laugh at him anyway.  Fat bastard.

I’m that guy!

The days I don’t walk, I tell myself that it’s good to let my muscles relax. Then I eat WAY WAY too much cereal, pasta, or some other kind of sugary, fatty sweet concoction.

Without the walks, I’d be 400 lbs. by now. So, I suppose I’m at least teasing the right thing to do.  I’m testing the waters.  They are cold, but inviting.

This past weekend, I forced myself to read a book by a heart surgeon.  It was a book on a diet evolution.  It spoke to me and made me want to try something radically different. However, it was also something I felt was manageable, appropriate and understandable.  The end result would be a healthy person, at least physically, and with the capacity to live another 60 years.  It’s good health and longevity … and that, to me tastes better than all the meat lover’s pizza and chocolate coated fruity pebbles in the world.

Today, I have started on my path. 

Today, I ate the following:

  1. Black unsweetened organic coffee, probably about 16 oz.
  2. Making due with what I had and being in a bit of haste, my first Dr. Gundry based meal was a 3-Egg Omelet with Capers, Whole Grain Mustard, Spinach and Parmesan.  I cooked it in Bacon fat, because I had no defrosted meat, yet.  Probably not the best idea, but it’s where I started.  3 eggs with capers, salt, pepper, mustard, whipped.  Cook one side in bacon fat.  Flip.  Fold in about 10 to 15 large cleaned and dried spinach leaf (chiffonade) and peeled parmesan.  Fold into center and eat.
  3. ¼ cup raw walnuts
  4. Chicken breast with romaine lettuce salad, lemon juice, EVOO, salt, pepper, capers, whole grain mustard and grated raw carrots.
  5. ¼ cup raw walnuts
  6. Chicken breast with Caesar salad and pecans
Current weight: 343.2 lbs.

Tomorrow, I’m planning:

  1. Black unsweetened organic coffee, probably about 16 oz.
  2. Ham and Mushroom Omelet with Spinach and Parmesan
  3. ¼ cup walnuts
  4. Garlic and Soy Marinated Shrimp with Spinach, carrots, lemon juice, broccoli, soy sauce and olive oil.
  5. ¼ cup walnuts
  6. Beef tenderloin with Dijon Brussel Sprouts, Mushrooms and Asparagus
Weekly Recipe!

Greatest Salad Ever: Warm Chicken, Bacon, Tomato and Balsamic

This salad is AWESOME! I probably eat this salad at least once a week, and have for a few years. It's probably the backbone, or foundation of my entire outlook on this way of eating. It's fresh, warm, comforting, delicious, a little sweet, a little dangerous, it has no FrankenFoods, it's a combination of cooked and raw ingredients, plus ... it has BACON!
Updated 11/2/2017

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